august

Monday, October 6, 2014

Remember the Toddlers

I have a very spirited toddler. She isn't my first spirited toddler, but she will very likely be my last.


Time is a funny thing. It bends and blurs and flies. It makes fuzzy those circumstances that seemed really challenging and tells you it "wasn't so bad." In some situations, this is a very good thing. I don't think one of those situations, however, is when a mother survives and subsequently forgets these crazy couple of years between infancy and preschool.

It's not that I wish upon everyone a constant recall of the messes, the tantrums, and the embarrassing moments, it's just that I don't want us- myself, my generation, to do the thing I see fairly often in the generation before us. It's happened to me. It's happened to my friends. It's happened to other women in the grocery store, and I've overheard the comments.

I hope we don't forget that toddlers are tiny, barely controlled, wild, wild people, and that they can be hard to parent.

Listen, I'm all for setting boundaries and teaching our little Mowgli's how to navigate the great big civilized world without making everyone else miserable, but I also understand that takes time and heaps of patience. And I don't think it was so different in the years before. I certainly remember seeing tantrums when I was a child. (Never having them, of course, such an angel was I, but seeing them, yes.) This is not a "sign of the times"- this is the sign of impending nap time.

I get confused when mothers of grown or almost grown children put on shady boots and walk all over the moms in the trenches. Weren't you there not so long ago? I think you were. I think somewhere deep in the recesses of your closet, there is a size 3t shirt with Target floor particles all over it where your little darling went noodle on you when they couldn't have a toy. Or another snack. Or a pony. I think one day you probably got in your car with tears in your eyes from a day trip gone wrong and wondered how you were failing so miserably. Or relived that glare or comment you got in the store over and over in your head.

So, why? I know there's lots of weird mom-petition out there, but this particular kind bothers me worse than most. A lot of the moms participating in that mess are young and unsure of themselves; but no, these are the moms who have already been there. Moms who should know better. I know I'm a whole lot more humble now than I was 11 years ago. I've experienced enough blowouts and tantrums and hard days full of sanctification to know better. So what would 20 years get me? I would like to think even more grace towards younger moms and their littles. Maybe a smile where they look around and expect a disapproving look. Surely this is the kind of changed world all the songs are about. Okay, maybe not really, but we could at least make someone's day a little easier.

Just, ya know, step over that toddler and smile next time. Or compliment those shoes that she threw halfway down the aisle. Because you've been there, and you know it will pass, but you also remember that in that until then, it's not always a picnic.

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