Wednesday, April 20, 2011
It's amazing what can happen in a month- it's amazing that so much can happen in a month. I'd like to say all changes have been good, but the truth is that most of the changes I have witnessed in the past thirty days are not things I can even type out right now. Several occurances, several "hits," all isolated, unrelated, desctructive, altering the lives of my family, my friends. Broken hearts, reputations, faith, and so much more left in the wake, and I've been asking "why": Why to God, to those responsible, to those who are affected but innocent; I have been swimming in a giant sea of why. And truth be told, I've felt anger. I'm not terribly accustomed to this kind of anger, and I've found it to be a very distracting emotion- I've felt half-there through so many important aspects of life lately. This evening during our family worship time, Sugarplum Fairy requested her favorite song, "Revelation Song." Remembering that a friend had just recently posted that very thing, instead of just singing it ourselves as we sometimes do, I pulled it up, hit play, and turned my head to mention something I'd remembered to futureSquid (that whole half-there thing rearing its head). Sugarplum fairy sat up from her nook in my lap, put her hands on my face, and said "Listen, Mommy. LISTEN." and went back to enjoying the song. Charmed by the endearing little move and her intense love for the music, I put the conversation on hold, and I listened. And I heard what I'd been needing to hear this whole time- a beautiful reminder that God is in control. Tears filled my eyes. I felt the kind of peace that comes from truth- the kind of peace that has been eluding me. Maybe, almost certainly, I would have gotten to this place sooner had I paused for an answer as opposed to questioning without ceasing. All things come together for His good, and I pray I learn to stop myself in those times of panic; lift my eyes to the hills and wait for my Help, but tonight I'm so thankful for those sweet little hands that made me quiet my mind, just be still and know that He is God.
edit: for those who haven't heard this beautiful song: