Thursday, October 23, 2014

On terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.

I sort of dreaded putting up today's journal:

"What was your very worst 'terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day'?"

I wondered what my bigs would write. I could think of so many times I have contributed to a day like this. Those kinds of days where all your good intentions are left in a crumple around the wastebasket; the kind you couldn't even dispose of correctly.

First Jo, then Bay interrupted my guilt-filled thoughts.

Jo: I've never really had one of those days.

Bay: Yeah, me either. Can we just make up what a bad day would be?

Me: Yes, that's fine. You really haven't had any of those kinds of days? Not ever? Your life is just sunshine?

Bay: Basically. I'll just make one up, though.

Jo: Nope. I can't think of one. I'll just write about getting eaten by a shark.

It's so crazy to me that I could have named five for each of them right off the top of my head. Days when I was grumpy, days when I lost my temper, days when our plans fell through. Days when I missed the mark of showing compassion and cringed for hours after at the opportunity I let slip by. Days of guilt hangovers.

But they can't think of one. Not one.

 Kids are funny.

I learned something today, Mamas: We are not doing as bad at this mothering business as we tell ourselves we are. I'm going to make a concerted effort to be kinder to myself about these shortcomings, and I hope you'll join me. I will always strive to do better, but when I stumble, I will remember this moment, pick myself up, and move forward. Next time you feel like things are going miserably, stop and consider that it's not as bad to them as it feels to you.

And whatever happened, at least they weren't eaten by a shark.

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